Oh, Donald Trump. Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide.

If only Freddie Mercury had lived past his own tragic death and onward into a time where same-sex marriage is legal and being a “queen” as a man is pretty darn cool. Sadly, he missed out on the latest HIV cocktails which have held strong market value while Big Pharma waits for its next cash cow to come along—but punching out early has saved him a whole lot of other trouble.

Perhaps trouble is an understatement. Trouble sounds like some minor annoyance that will pass within a reasonable amount of time, a temporary inconvenience to be traversed with a little common sense and elbow grease. The 2016 presidential race is anything but that. When it comes to the GOP, common sense and logic are rare minerals lost in the abyss. In observing the current Republican roster, the entire fate of the free world could seemingly rest in the hands of a man I wouldn’t trust to change the floater in my toilet tank, let alone decide the fate of my nation. The latest gang of GOP presidential candidates come off like a warped version of The Little Rascals—but less funny because we expect that kind of behavior from six-year-olds growing up in the 1930’s.

I think Senator Elizabeth Warren said it best while addressing the GOP’s latest effort to insist that women revert to the victorian era of sexuality by defunding Planned Parenthood:

“Did you fall down and hit your head and wake up in the 1950’s?”

If that’s not enough to make you cringe, consider this tidbit:

Donald Trump (Yes, the guy with the crazy hair) is running for president.

As I type these words, I suddenly realize how much I wish I were joking. But the sad reality is that a lot of my more liberal friends are genuinely concerned that Trump the Terrible might actually become the next president of the United States. In fact, according to a Simpsons episode aired in 2000, we’re pretty close to fulfilling that very prophecy.


Donald TrumpDonald Trump

(By the way, in the Simpsons episode Trump destroys the economy and the U.S. is reliant on aid from China).


If you have similar concerns, let me assure you that Donald Trump will not become the next president of the United States (while I knock on wood, of course). Here’s why:

Clearly, Trump is an extremist. He’s absurdly and publicly racist, misogynistic, and has the vocabulary and articulation of a 9th grader. That might bode well for reality TV, but Americans traditionally elect more moderate candidates. Nearly every candidate elected to office has been considered a “moderate” in their respective parties. By this measure Jeb Bush appears to be a more likely successful GOP candidate (but I’d still pack up and live abroad if he were elected). So, what’s with all the fanfare?

Trump’s shoot-from-the-hip style will undoubtably resonate with some demographic of Americans: racists, billionaire racists, and sexist racists. But fortunately for the rest of the more sane citizens of our great nation, we’ll be voting for—LITERALLY—anyone else. Trump may win the GOP ticket, but he’ll never win the general election.


There is a distinct similarity in the way that modern-day conservatives coddle Trump and the way they have historically embraced Ronald Reagan. If you haven’t been around the block in a while, Ronald Reagan is a God in the realm of conservative politics—mostly because he was able to charm the American public while doing the bidding of wealthy elites that would later push through policies that destroy the middle-class for generations. Donald Trump represents the same danger that Reagan did in that his appeal rests with his identification as a “non-politician.” Reagan was a successful actor and won the hearts of American voters long before he ever ran for the oval office. And in a time when Americans are again tired of politics as usual, there is grave danger in electing a candidate known better for his mouth than his sound judgement.

Also published on Medium.